Hello Sorrow, I See You

Welcoming in the pain of grief is an act of courage and grace

The mythical creature had come to her before she understood why. It was unlike any bird she’d encountered while awake or in deep sleep. She often wondered which realm was which. Sometimes dreams felt very real. Sometimes real life felt more like a dream. Despite the size and seemingly fierce nature of the winged one, she extended her hand out as a gesture of goodwill and friendship. In the eye of the storm she found herself in, why not give the fiery-red beast the benefit of the doubt?

As colorful square marbles began to emerge from the ground and float into the sky, she was surprised to find she wasn’t afraid. “I know marbles are round,” she said it aloud to remind herself of the truth of things. She became very curious about what this bird might teach her. She had so many questions…

And then she woke up.

We don’t receive wisdom; we must discover it for ourselves
after a journey that no one can take for us or spare us.
~Marcel Proust

There is no journey quite like a journey of grief. It’s one in which we usually don’t willingly want to go on. It’s similar to taking a long vacation to a foreign place filled with many unknowns and many new things to discover, but it sure as hell isn’t a holiday we look forward to or plan for ahead of time. Grief is a lot more complicated and quite random and sometimes it’s so abrupt and life is so altered by its sudden arrival that square marbles don’t seem like an odd thing. What’s odd is no one quite knows how grief is going to change them. No one quite knows what the journey is going to be like until it’s been taken and traveled on for awhile and even then, no one knows what wisdom is to be discovered along the way.

And no one really knows what another’s grief journey is like.

We cannot take the journey for another. We cannot spare our loved ones the journey they go on. But here’s what we can do…we can be curious about another and we can be a welcoming presence for someone to share their journey with us when they’re ready to do so.

Salt Water Alchemy invites you to be a part of an experience of curiosity and presence this upcoming Sunday, March 3 at 9am HST (11am PST, 2pm EST). The Field is a 90 minute event online where people gather to be generous with others in their listening, in their witnessing, and in their sharing of their own humanity. This shared experience of vulnerability and intimacy helps us strengthen our capacity to be with a variety of emotions, expressions, and personal stories as well as offer a non-judgmental space of grace to others. No advice is given. Nothing needs to be fixed. Everything is welcomed. All hearts in. All fully present.

You can register here if you’d like to attend. Zoom link will be provided the day before the event.

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Here’s how that story of the winged creature is really part of my own journey with grief…

Hello Sorrow, I see you. I see you trying your best to weave a magical story of transformation with a short tale of a Phoenix, a bird that doesn’t exist. How is it that your marriage might have been like that bird? It felt magical and real, but perhaps it didn’t exist in the way you thought it did?

Hello Sorrow, I see you. I see you when I’m awake and sometimes you visit me in my dreams. I see your fierceness and I see your softer side. I befriended you because there wasn’t anything else I could do. You weren’t leaving anytime soon. I understood early on that you’d be a steady companion of mine for a good long while. I put my trust in you because there wasn’t much else I could trust.

Hello Sorrow, I see you. When everything became a question and every answer became a thing to be questioned, I remember how you were the closest ally I had to knowing the truth. You’ve taught me so much from this journey we’ve been on together. I’m still curious to learn from you. I’m wide awake now. I won’t go back to sleep.

Don’t Go Back to Sleep - A poem by Rumi